Hysterical

Thats what I've been the last couple of days. and I dont mean to be!!!! I dont know what has gotten into me, I just feel like im at this crappy job and not getting anywhere, and Im just struggling ALL the time and that really really cheeses me off specially when Im in a job that I REALLY dont like all that much. BUT Im sure Im not the only one. I just feel crabby and poor brad has had enough, so Im pulling my socks up and scooping my brains up and putting them back in my head. Its so frustrating when you start seeing some improvement only to have it snatched away from youall over again. Anyways we have a plan.

Its my mates 21st this weekend and Im looking forward to going and having a good time I hope that will lift my spirits somewhat. If not then im outta ideas…….My heart is heavy and my burdens seem endless…I need some time with God so I can hand them over to Him I spose. Oh Dear Lord Please help me be happy with what I have right now!!!!  

Weary Travellers

Im sitting here trying to convince myself that the weekend is over already!!!!! It went WAY too quickly! I had the BEST time tho we stayed in the most AWFUL caravan park in Australia, and in possibly the most GRUNGY caravan you could find, but my grandparents and my aunt were ESTATIC to see me, and we talked and talked and talked, and we had dinner with them, and I met my little sister and she took an instant attachment to me, and slowly to brad as well. The next morning we went over to Mum's after a tearful goodbye from grandad, aunty carol and Nanna (happy flag happy flag!) and Gina nad I had to RUSH to get to the movies! WE ahd an awesome morning, followed by a roast lunch and some games, then went out for dinner.

But by FAR the best part was this morning we went to the community church that is held at Gina's school, and Mum enjoyed it so much she and gina are going to go EVERY WEEK!!! Whoo hoooo!!!!! I was STOKED!  My mission was to find my mum a good spiritual home and MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! YAYYY! then we had lunch and before we knew it we were saying goodbye and leaving. I got plenty of photos which is awesome, and still have some left over for Sam's 21st thats happening THIS weekend LOL LOL the week after next I am working a 6 day week tho coz of easter, with only Good Friday off. I have taken Easter Monday off tho because its brad and my anniversary 2 years already! All in all its been a FABULOUS weekend, and my eyes have been opened to this whole side of the family I had counted lost for so long, and who had NEVER given up on me. Rather humbling really! Reminds me of God, and how to YHWH (Mum knows what im talking about from church! LOL) we're ALWAYS there, and our christmas bauble is always on the tree, even though we count him out of the game most of the time. Much love to you all Thankyou for your prayers and thoughts this weekend they're very much appreciated

 

The final countdown

Well its 8:10pm and Im only half packed, but very excited. So much so I cant eat, and even though im EXHAUSTED I wouldnt be able to sleep either! My stomach is tied in knots, and I DESPERATELY need a shower, but only a few more hours and I am outta here…well approximately 12 to be exact. I was SO HAPPY to finish work today! It felt REALLY good to walk out of there knowing I was leaving for THREE WHOLE DAYS of NOTHING well, actually three whole days of HEAPS but NOTHING to do with work whoo hoo!

Im very very nervous about it, and I spose right now im a little cranky, but only coz Im tired and tense and I just want this weekend to go well….I know I know, I wont enjoy anything if Im tense, I will just be happy when we’re packed and cleaned and ready to go. I am going to enjoy being out on the road on an adventure to somewhere I’ve never driven to before that makes me feel good I know, it sounds wierd, but it kinda makes me feel normal and its rare for me to feel normal, though i’ve been enjoying it lately. Im just scared that something will go wrong this weekend….because I havent had ONE family gathering since I was really little that DIDNT have something go wrong..and usually I was in the middle of it. I am PRAYING with EVERYTHING I’ve got that it goes well…I really really need this to go well. For my own SANITY this has to go well. Anyone who reads this, please say a prayer this goes well for me!

A better day :D

Hi everyone

Well I had a much better day today than I did yesterday. Thankyou so much to everyone with their kind comments Its so nice to hear from yas today my boss, better known to my mum as “the smeg” (if you’ve never seen Red Dwarf you wont get it LOL) wasnt in for most of the day and she wont be in for most of tomorrow too which makes me estatically happy because I only have to get through tomorrow, and Im off to the coast We have an AWESOME weekend planned, and even though certain powers keep bringing up obstacles for us, like my grandfather getting a sore eye and brad feeling ill and stuff it doesnt matter coz Im going no matter what and I dont care WHAT satan has to say about it

My cat is currently being SO CUTE and it reminds me of how proud of my littel family I am. Ok granted only two of the members have two legs and no fur, but still I have found myself still very up and down lately..one minute im happy the next im in tears, but I guess we all get like that sometimes tomorrow I have good volunteers at work, so im looking forward to that. I had one in today who I tend to have trouble with and even SHE seemed in a better mood than usual, and we seemed to get along better which is a relief to me. I dont like arguing with people. I wrote a letter to my grandparents telling them how I feel too…..and I guarantee that will end in arguments too! How do I ALWAYS get myself in conflict when im all trying to do is avoid it!!!! *sigh* well like I say nothing will spoil this weekend yayyy!

Disturbing news

I just found out something from my past that upsets me, although I shouldnt really find myself surprised. My abusive dad who I dont have any contact with anymore shot a number of our family pets, and killed a kitten I was raising. I burst into tears over that. How could someone do that to their daughter’s pet????? the only animals he looked after were expensive ones…..pure bred bull terriers, kelpies and german shepherds, and he never had them for very long. He always ended up selling them to make money. I feel so bad tho…thats a really awful thing to learn. and the worse part is, he SAID he thought it was sick, but I dont believe it. I DO believe that he decided he didnt want it around anymore so he killed it. There was a vet living down the road that would have looked at it for free. He wasnt interested. He didnt tell my mum he was going to kill it, he just did it. Knocked it on the head. Did it with other pets too. I am becoming more and more convinced there is something medically wrong with him! Itsl ike he has no conscience at all! Im a little scared at the thought actually, and thankful things were not worse.

Anyways thats all I really wanted to say. Work sucked today as usual, but im taking heart – two more days and Im on the road!!!! I CANT WAIT~!!!!!!!  

 

Cranky cranky

I dont know why but right now im really cranky. Ive got no reason to be, in fact ive had a really productive day. I did a heap of cleaning and did shopping and got organised on a bunch of stuff, but for some reason Im very easily irritated right now. I guess I just need a good night’s sleep. A nice bath, and an early night is in order me thinks. I wish someone would comment on this darn thing LOL Anyways, off I go

A new Day Dawns

Awaking from my sleepy stupour last night I found myself full of a new energy to get things in order. So already this morning I have swepted, cleaned the kitchen and mopped, put a load of washing on and im about to clean the living room and put my clothes away! It feels good to get things organised, and Im working on having things in place so that big clean ups like today dont have to happen. I have discovered that my cat doesnt like my broom….so of course I have used that to my full advantage and bugged the crap outta him LOL

I also found out that I had the dates wrong for getting my car fixed…its NEXT monday which is awesome coz it leaves this weekend free and breezy to go to the coast and have a wonderful time I can’t wait to introduce my husband to my grandparents and my aunt!!! :D its going to be a WONDERFUL weekend I just know it

I have to get my little sister’s present today…..a bratz mini doll by the name of Daphne LOL I hope I get the right thing! I also have to do the usual grocery shopping and such,a nd IM going to the gym today too for the first time in weeks (due to being sick AND laziness) and Im looking forward to that too. I want to get back into feeling good about myself. Well, God Bless anyone reading this, coz God’s blessings are AWESOME! Love you all  

 

The Storm Passes

Today being Sunday I went to church and as usual my worries and troubles melted in the beautiful loving environment that is my church. The free worship that is not only witnessed but encouraged in that place feeds my soul, and I always walk out of there with a smile on my face. I LOVE singing with the worship team – it really does more for me than I do for them! I get to speak to people that I dont get to see any other day and I feel very welcome there.

I only have a three day week this week, because I have a long weekend due to the show holiday. I cannot WAIT to go and visit my mother and my lil sister and my grandparents and aunt on the coast. Not only is it a great holiday for me but a chance to reconnect with people from my past that loved me once, and who I lost due to a madman’s anger and rage. I feel guilty that I have not done it sooner, but I pray that guilt does not control me this weekend, and that I am able to put that aside in order to enjoy the oppportunity to see them again. and my sister….it will be the first time I have ever seen her. That is a very daunting thought for me. She will look up to me, and emulate me, and I PRAY I am enough! How do you show a little girl how to act, when you still feel like a little girl yourself!!!  

 

*cough cough* ick a bad day!

This morning I woke up sick!!! Like, really sick! i ended up deciding not to go to work, and went back to bed for hours! Then I got up only to discover an email from the organisation I did my youth ministry course through saying they had LOST one of my portfolios!!!! NOT something you want to hear after working SO HARD! So yeah, im on the warpath about that thats for sure! I spoke to my Mum That was cool:D and I have an excuse to eat icecream..thats cool too. I am hoping since my most hated boss wont be in tomorrow that things will go well, and I wont get bugged too much. My tummy is what is bothering me at the moment..all the crap running down my sore throat is making me feel ill. Dear Lord, Please help me heal before Mum gets here!!!! Not long to go now…just get through tomorrow and then friday and shes here! Wiiieerrrdddd :S:S:S:S I hope everything goes well and its not too freaky seeing her. I think we’ll be ok.

Well thats all from me……anyone who reads this thanks and hope you’re all blessed!  

 

Hanging in there~

Hi everyone,

I made a pact with God yesterday that He better give me some better days at work or else I am OUTTA there, and thankfully He did today, with two of my three bosses away and my favourite one only there It was a slow but relatively productive day, and in a way it seemed to fly by. tomorrow they’re all back in but hopefully things will be easily containable. So long as I dont run into any insults or conflict i should be able to hang in there long enough for the 6 weeks needed to learn and perfect payroll…Then if things are bad I have the option of leaving with at least a fair amoubt of administration experience to back me up.

Tomorrow night is my second time at Country Music Club. I am really looking forward to it, but Im not sure how much its going to cost to join. I hope its not too much!!!! My mum says she’ll help out and everything but I just dont want to put her or anyone else out…coz I mean its not a NECESSITY like food or clothing or anything. We’ll see how we go anyways. The thursday night I have worship team practise…I am looking forward to that more than anything because its SO fun and I feel so welcomed and valued there. Its one arena I KNOW what im doing and that feels really good, specially when I can contribute creatively and know it will be recieved in the spirit its given.  

My hubbie checks this…I didnt know that til yesterday thats kinda sweet hey!! he’s the best SUCH a wonderful guy

Im still nervous about my mum coming but Im DEAD excited!!!!! Its going to be very very exciting…possibly the biggest thing to have happen to me outside her leaving and me getting married!!! :D I am trying to get things in order here before she coems, I want her to see everything in its best possible light well I better go, going to pour a glass of wine and read for a bit on the patio Love to all who bother to read this